Let’s talk about memorials. I realize we’re maybe a long way from Memorial Day, but memorials are really a way of honoring those we love. Who do I honor? My mother, my grandmother, my mother-in-law, and that special woman who gave me the gift of courage when I was afraid. What about you? Who do you honor?
As I write to you about memorials, I want to be inclusive. A memorial is a way of honoring those who we love. It may be our mother. It may be a special woman in our life, because our mother was absent or narcissistic. There was somebody who took us under our took us under their wing, loved us, and cared for us. As I write, please know I’m going to be referring to a deceased mother, but I want to make it inclusive for anyone who has lost a mother, or it may be that special woman who’s made a difference in your life.
I’m going to tell you a story of a special woman who gave me courage when I didn’t have any. My first profession was as a registered nurse. I am 18-19 years old and did not think I could make it in school. I thought I was a failure. My mother had been deceased for 3 years and no one believed in me. Barbara Heifner came into my life. I still remember her. She was my Nursing Instructor. Mrs. Heifner sat me down and poured into me the courage that I needed to continue. She told me I could do this and that she believed in me. She will always have a special place in my life.
But you know, memorials hold a real deep significance, and they really serve a lot of purposes for us. I am remembering when I was a kid, every Memorial Day, going to the cemetery, placing flowers on deceased members families. I was young, so I thought it was just boring. However, as I got older, I learned the value of this ritual. My mother and her sisters had been placing flowers on the graves of ancestors for years.
I wondered what happened to that tradition? I don’t hear many doing that today. It’s really important to maintain some type of tradition.
What’s the importance of a memorial?
- Memorials honor legacy.
- Memorials are a way to honor who she was and the impact that she had on her family and others.
- Memorials ensure the memory is there, forever, preserved for future generations.
- Memorials are a space for grieving. There is no one at the cemetery who will say to you, “aren’t you over it yet?”
- Memorials create a space for us to grieve. It makes it okay for us to grieve. All of that is crucial for emotional healing. This is going to bring tears to my eyes to share this memory, so you’ll just have to bear with me. I remember going to the Vietnam Memorial Wall, seeing the names of boys who I’d went to grade school and high school with. I touched each name. I cried tears for their loss. One of the boys I went to school with, has an annual memorial service for his best friend who died in the Vietnam War. He never fails his best friend.
- Memorials are a symbol of love. Just the act of creating a memorial is an expression of love and respect.
- Memorials symbolize a connection between the living and the deceased.
- Memorials also show that that person’s memory continues to live on in the hearts of those that were left behind.
- Memorials provide a tangible way for us to breathe. Visiting a memorial, writing a letter, or simply spending time in a place dedicated to your mother’s memory can bring comfort and help with that healing process.
- Memorials can be a focal point for family gatherings. A woman once shared that her family gathered every year and held a memorial service for her deceased mother. They used it as a way of telling stories, laughing, creating a legacy so her children would know their grandmother.
- Memorials help to maintain a connection to history. Did you know what this day was called before it was Memorial Day? It was called Declaration Day. This began at the end of the Civil War when people would go out clean and decorate the graves of their loved ones. It later evolved into Memorial Day.
A memorial to either your deceased mother or a woman who’s made a difference in your life is a deeply meaningful way to honor her life, to process your grief and maintain connections to the past and the present, whether you do this through personal reflections, family traditions or observances.
Now you have another way. On the Motherless Daughters Ministry website, we have created a Memorial Tribute Wall where you can honor your memory — your memory of your mother or that special woman. You can create that lasting tribute. Go to the Motherless Daughters Ministry tribute wall on the website. I am honoring the important women in my life who influenced who I am today. Take a look at Barbara Heifner’s tribute.