By: Tia Wilson
I turned 26 this past June. I still have very vivid memories as a 9 year old girl. Insecure. Broken. Longing. I needed someone. Anyone. To lead me and guide me. To tell me I meant something, that I was precious and valuable. Loved. My mom wasn’t available. She didn’t see that I had those needs. I had to have it all together at 9. Take care of yourself I learned. Be strong. Be tough. Make everybody happy. Keep everybody happy. I was working all the time.
I grew up. I had friendships and romantic relationships, I went to college, I became a nurse. I thought I was ok. I did my best. But I couldn’t shake that 9yr old girl. I could see her all the time. I could feel her pain all the time. I finally sat down and listened. I let her break. I let me break. I was so afraid. Afraid that I wouldn’t come back together again. It was rough.
I have been blessed. To have a relationship with Jesus. To have him walk me tenderly through all this pain. To lead me to places like motherless daughters where other women walk with me through this pain. I have met amazing women. Women who get me. Who understand me and affirm me.
After completing the journey class, I’m ready to keep healing. To keep growing and becoming. I believe that’s possible now. I can see it up ahead.
8 replies on “My Story”
I could’ve written these words (except I am 51 years old). I struggle through the sense of loss of not having memories of a mother that connected with anything I felt. Feelings weren’t ever affirmed or expressed.
Thank you for commenting. It’s always nice to know someone understands. It’s so hard to believe your feelings are valid when they were never affirmed. I pray you are finding peace and hope in your Journey!
My mom left me @14 to live w a man..took my baby brother w her and told me there was no room in her bf home. She tokd my dad to take but his wife said no.so i moved w my dads gf..(one of them ) i ended up married at 16 ..they signed the papers cause i was a minor..i was beaten up my first night of marriage w no place to go. The beatings cont.for 4 yrs ..i left ..i struggled w every relationship n they were all violent..i have physical scars to remind me but more i have emotional scars..ive been mourning the loss if my mom..now i talk w her@87 but i get so angry because now i have four older adult girls w similar relationship issues..and my youngest says she hates me..i get so mad and blame my mother..i never had a chance..ive been a victim of sex abuse at age 5..she doesnt want to talk avout it…im yrying to forgive so i can love her but i just feel its not real.
Hi Jeanne! Thank you so much for your courage to share your story. I am so sorry for all you had to endure. I can imagine the pain, and the confusion you must have wrestled with. I’m sorry for the effect it has on your life now and the relationship with your own daughters. But I pray you have hope! I would also encourage you to take the motherless daughter journey class if you haven’t already and are able! Either way, thanks so much again for sharing! You are in my thoughts!
This is a beautiful expression of your journey! I praise God for leading to a place where you know you are not alone.
Thank you Chris! I am so grateful for that as well!! 🙂
God heal me from being abused as a child. And having a mother that did not want me. I understand. Thank you for sharing your story.
Im so sorry for what you had to endure and I’m even more so grateful for what God has done in your life. Thank you commenting and thanks for taking the time to read my story! Blessings!